I am never wrong only briefly mistaken. Usually. Sometimes

First off, I am really sorry for my absence. I would like to say that I was kidnapped by aliens and probed but alas that is not true. Although it would have been a heck of a lot more fun than what I have really been doing. Well, perhaps not the probing part because I think in some states that is considered cheating on your spouse.

In all honestly I have been sidetracked from my little blog away from home. It all began with the absolutely useless and pointless surgery that caused more complications than I have had since the start of this chemo/cancer crap. Incidentally I do not blame a bit of this debacle on my fine oncologist and lay the blame entirely on the douchebaggery that went on between the cardiologist and the surgeon…oh and the dumb twit nurse of said surgeon. Oh yeah there is no limit to stupidity and douchebaggery.

But I am lucky. My oncologist actually likes me and cares about my well being. His entire team does because they are just swell humans. HOWEVER that is not necessarily true for the other doctors involved in my care. To them I am just another patient and another dollar in the pocket…another notch in that belt of douchebaggedness. *insert deep sigh here* That being said the surgery did not go exactly as planned. I could bore you with all the details, but I am kind and it is not the point of this blog. Needless to say I have a hole/window in the little sack my heart is in and it is merely there for decoration. I think it needs curtains. Or insulation.

Ahhh and my second excuse were the holidays. The wild, chaotic unmitigated crazies of the holidays with my family. I am exhausted. Bone weary tired. And not from cancer. Just from shopping, running, doing and dealing. So yeah those are my excuses tied up in a nice pretty green glittery bow.

Between all this, a husband, two kids, a dog and a full time job….life is rather full. I like that.

I start a new chemo next week. I am…well…it is quite the cacophony of feelings right now. As soon as I sort them all out I will tell you. My husband seems really optimistic. He is kinda awesome.

Which brings me to my current point of blogging. My spouse. His awesomeness and his blatant lack of conceding any fight to me given my current condition. I realized this a little while ago when arguing with him about the teenager inhabiting my little boy’s body…we argue about the offspring more often than on any other matter. Don’t tell the husband but I am usually in the wrong with those fights but I keep trying.

But I digress yet again….

One would think (although I have discovered that many try to avoid that pastime)…that being stricken with an illness such as mine changes the rules. One assumes that people are nicer. More solicitous. More patient and kind. Please do not misunderstand. I do not want pity. Ugh. Yuck. I do not truly want to be treated differently either. And there are times I think that karma truly catches up to you. But still it is strange to see that no matter how sick you can get nothing changes. People are still asses, they don’t care and at times they are even worse when they stare, or make you feel like you are contagious. (Most of the time I walk around without a wig, I refuse to be uncomfortable because people are disturbed by my follicly challenged self) Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it makes me grin. In the matter of the amazing spouse…sometimes I just want to smack him.

He won’t cave in. He will not concede. He will not let me win my arguments no matter how well constructed they may be. He will still call my bluffs and continue to step on that nerve. He will piss me off and let his job take advantage of him. He will make a face at the mess of a house and he will pick on our son (yes the 13 year old deserves it). He will get annoyed with our 3 year old daughter and her diva ways and make me feel like I caused part of that (which I truly did). He will act bothered and incensed and grumpy….and I ADORE him for that. For all of it. Because he makes me feel like I am still the me I was a year ago. He has not changed as the man I fell in love with. He still behaves like I am still the wild haired, endlessly energetic, scatterbrained, utterly unorganized crazy girl I was a year and a bit ago. He even still gets a cold and acts like a baby…or like a lion with a thorn in his paw. I continue to take care of him when he is ill and make him tea or get his blanket. Ahhhh and for that and so much more I will be eternally grateful.

Although sometimes I wish I could win an argument (and they are so few and infrequent truly) based upon “ouch my side hurts” or the classic “oooh I feel nauseous” and I would love to hear the words…”Monica you are absolutely right as always” I will not hear them, whether I am cancer ridden or cancer free.

So sometimes I may wish that other people would remember that I do have an illness that limits me from time to time. And sometimes I really really wish that guy on the train would give up his seat for me. At the end of the day the one person that is my soulmate does not have to remember that I am ill. He only remembers that I am still me…and that my friends, followers and folks makes me happier than the words, “you are right” can ever make me.

Ok…well…umm…maybe he could still try them on just once…I will keep you posted.

OHHH and before I forget… Happy New Year everyone! I wish you all the very best life has to offer…

10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kathy
    Dec 31, 2012 @ 23:40:12

    I wish you and your family all the best in the new year.


  2. bedraggledandkicking
    Jan 01, 2013 @ 00:18:09

    So glad to see a post from you. You are such a feisty ass-kickin’ girl! I was just thinking today about some of the great docs we encountered and some of the total a-holes. Right you are, even if you have cancer, or just lost a loved one, or have some other heart-break that you are walking around with, you still have to deal with life and all its messy and wonderful glory. The world doesn’t stop spinning, does it? But you, dear unicorn, you deserve a break now and again. You do. Every so often it’s ok to pull the pity card. Life is tiring, and cancer…whew, even more so. But, from what I can tell, when you made your choice in your partner…that was one case in which you were right! Wishing you and your family all the best as you ring in the new year.


    • monica923
      Jan 04, 2013 @ 09:51:47

      You are so right, but sometimes I wish the world would just stop spinning if only for a few moments. I am sure you understand that feeling very well also.

      But…it is a new year and I really really wish the very best for you and happiness. More and more happiness every day!


  3. Things You Realize After You Get Married
    Jan 04, 2013 @ 08:04:45

    Ohh–your husband kinda reminds me of my husband! 😀 Mine is stubborn, but the funny thing is that he says I am the stubborn one! And although my husband does say the words, “you are right”, they aren’t as frequent as I say them to him. I thought I could teach him by example by saying these 3 words more often…but apparently I’m the only one getting the example! :D.

    All joking aside though, your husband does sound like an AWESOME support system and perhaps the fact that he doesn’t treat you as though you are ill (and won’t let you win and say you are right lol) is probably the best thing he could do for you. All the best to you too in 2013! 🙂


    • monica923
      Jan 04, 2013 @ 09:53:59

      My husband thinks I am the “stubborn” one! I often am tempted to hand him a mirror when he tells me that.

      And thank you, the husband is truly a great support system. I am so glad about it to. You never truly know what your spouse is capable of until something like this happens, but he really has been like a superhero to me.

      I wish you and your husband the best this year has to offer!


  4. Wyon
    Jan 06, 2013 @ 03:59:06

    Thanks for this blog, which I enjoyed. A friend of mine died last year of cancer. He also kept a blog. At one point he commented: “I will find the best in cancer even if it be the death of me.” He did, and it was. looks like you are doing your best to find the best too, good luck to you.


  5. Chichina
    Jul 06, 2013 @ 19:28:33

    You have cojones, amiga. And heart. There is no better combination in my opinion.


    • monica923
      Jul 06, 2013 @ 19:51:23

      Oh thank you! I think cojones should always should be backed up by heart…because cojones can be so ugly! Seriously thank you…you are very kind


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: