Life and chocolate

You know what…I have never seen Forest Gump. 

I have this thing about sad movies and I consider that a pretty sad movie.  Although to me, UP was a sad movie ( I cried great big heaping sobs for that one), Bambi and I even cried during Beauty and the Beast when she left him (please note these examples are only ANIMATION for crying out loud, can you imagine me during non animated movies?  I am a mess, a great big blubbering, snot riddled, poufy eyed, red faced mess! )  I used to strive to be a delicate crier..But nah, why bother?  If you are going to cry make it a good one, and if you are going to laugh..then let it all out!  Both should be rife with snorts and hiccups…I mean seriously what really good laugh or cry does not have snorts and hiccups!! 

So yeah…no sad movies for me.  Life has enough of its own misery, why borrow it from a show or a movie or a book?  Go ahead; you can think I am a few nuggets short of a happy meal…a lot of people do.  But you know if you really think about it, you will see that I am right. 

But I must make a confession and hang my head in deep shame.  The truth is…I am a cheater.  Rarely, I will watch a sad movie, read a sad book as long as I know how it ends.  And as long as it is not too sad.  For example in the movie the Titanic everyone dies…except that Rose character who never lets go…but actually lets go and cries as the poor guy freezes to death.  Pretty damned depressing so no Titanic for me.  Anyway so what I do for the not quite suicidal tendency movies…I flip to the last page of the book, I Google the movie…and I find out.  Sometimes I even read the middle.  That way, it is not so sad when you are braced for impact.  If I knew Bambi’s mom was about to get shot in the head I would not have hid my head for the remainder of the movie and cried for almost a week straight.  Granted I was a child but I truly believe that I have been deeply scarred by Bambi and just Disney in general.  Oh and as an adult I realized that Disney hates moms.  Just in case you did not already know that. We are good enough to take our kids to a Disney movie but not good enough to actually have a starring role in one…Snow white anyone? Cinderella? Little Mermaid?  Beauty and the Beast? Pocahontas? Aladdin? You see my trend don’t you?  But that is a whoooleee other discussion for later.  Right now, every Disney movie must be thoroughly Googled prior to watching.  Disney may be out to get me.   

So back to my Forest Gump preface, I have never seen it, BUT I have heard the line, “life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you are going to get.”

I hate that line.

Well if my life is like a box of chocolates I want it to be a box of Godiva.  In those boxes you not only have amazing chocolate but you know EXACTLY what you are getting! They even come with pretty pictures and long drawn out descriptions of each and every amazing mouthful.  You don’t bite into one and say, “Wow I did not know this was going be caramel truffle silk wrapped fairy wing compote” Because you know what?  The little insert tells you in excruciating detail that you are about to consume chocolate covered fairy wings.   So hell yeah, my life can be like a box of chocolate…rich, sweet, decadent…and with no freaking surprises!!!!  As long as you make it Godiva.