I am never wrong only briefly mistaken. Usually. Sometimes

First off, I am really sorry for my absence. I would like to say that I was kidnapped by aliens and probed but alas that is not true. Although it would have been a heck of a lot more fun than what I have really been doing. Well, perhaps not the probing part because I think in some states that is considered cheating on your spouse.

In all honestly I have been sidetracked from my little blog away from home. It all began with the absolutely useless and pointless surgery that caused more complications than I have had since the start of this chemo/cancer crap. Incidentally I do not blame a bit of this debacle on my fine oncologist and lay the blame entirely on the douchebaggery that went on between the cardiologist and the surgeon…oh and the dumb twit nurse of said surgeon. Oh yeah there is no limit to stupidity and douchebaggery.

But I am lucky. My oncologist actually likes me and cares about my well being. His entire team does because they are just swell humans. HOWEVER that is not necessarily true for the other doctors involved in my care. To them I am just another patient and another dollar in the pocket…another notch in that belt of douchebaggedness. *insert deep sigh here* That being said the surgery did not go exactly as planned. I could bore you with all the details, but I am kind and it is not the point of this blog. Needless to say I have a hole/window in the little sack my heart is in and it is merely there for decoration. I think it needs curtains. Or insulation.

Ahhh and my second excuse were the holidays. The wild, chaotic unmitigated crazies of the holidays with my family. I am exhausted. Bone weary tired. And not from cancer. Just from shopping, running, doing and dealing. So yeah those are my excuses tied up in a nice pretty green glittery bow.

Between all this, a husband, two kids, a dog and a full time job….life is rather full. I like that.

I start a new chemo next week. I am…well…it is quite the cacophony of feelings right now. As soon as I sort them all out I will tell you. My husband seems really optimistic. He is kinda awesome.

Which brings me to my current point of blogging. My spouse. His awesomeness and his blatant lack of conceding any fight to me given my current condition. I realized this a little while ago when arguing with him about the teenager inhabiting my little boy’s body…we argue about the offspring more often than on any other matter. Don’t tell the husband but I am usually in the wrong with those fights but I keep trying.

But I digress yet again….

One would think (although I have discovered that many try to avoid that pastime)…that being stricken with an illness such as mine changes the rules. One assumes that people are nicer. More solicitous. More patient and kind. Please do not misunderstand. I do not want pity. Ugh. Yuck. I do not truly want to be treated differently either. And there are times I think that karma truly catches up to you. But still it is strange to see that no matter how sick you can get nothing changes. People are still asses, they don’t care and at times they are even worse when they stare, or make you feel like you are contagious. (Most of the time I walk around without a wig, I refuse to be uncomfortable because people are disturbed by my follicly challenged self) Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it makes me grin. In the matter of the amazing spouse…sometimes I just want to smack him.

He won’t cave in. He will not concede. He will not let me win my arguments no matter how well constructed they may be. He will still call my bluffs and continue to step on that nerve. He will piss me off and let his job take advantage of him. He will make a face at the mess of a house and he will pick on our son (yes the 13 year old deserves it). He will get annoyed with our 3 year old daughter and her diva ways and make me feel like I caused part of that (which I truly did). He will act bothered and incensed and grumpy….and I ADORE him for that. For all of it. Because he makes me feel like I am still the me I was a year ago. He has not changed as the man I fell in love with. He still behaves like I am still the wild haired, endlessly energetic, scatterbrained, utterly unorganized crazy girl I was a year and a bit ago. He even still gets a cold and acts like a baby…or like a lion with a thorn in his paw. I continue to take care of him when he is ill and make him tea or get his blanket. Ahhhh and for that and so much more I will be eternally grateful.

Although sometimes I wish I could win an argument (and they are so few and infrequent truly) based upon “ouch my side hurts” or the classic “oooh I feel nauseous” and I would love to hear the words…”Monica you are absolutely right as always” I will not hear them, whether I am cancer ridden or cancer free.

So sometimes I may wish that other people would remember that I do have an illness that limits me from time to time. And sometimes I really really wish that guy on the train would give up his seat for me. At the end of the day the one person that is my soulmate does not have to remember that I am ill. He only remembers that I am still me…and that my friends, followers and folks makes me happier than the words, “you are right” can ever make me.

Ok…well…umm…maybe he could still try them on just once…I will keep you posted.

OHHH and before I forget… Happy New Year everyone! I wish you all the very best life has to offer…